swimming_pool_book[1]Over the last few years family holidays have become  progressively less relaxing.  No sooner have I unpacked the suitcases and slipped into a kaftan and sunglasses when the teenage moaning starts, ‘I am bored, I Am Bored, I AM SO BORED!’  This results in Husband spending the next 7 days on a tennis court in 40 degree heat pretending to be Andy Murray in an attempt to keep Hairy Male Teenager amused.  My week is equally exhausting with nightly trips to God awful nights clubs with teenage daughter.  I am at the bar being chatted up by some suntanned prune who runs the local cafe, and daughter is bopping on the dance floor with a greasy waiter in skin tight black trousers from the local 2 star hotel.  Worst of all these evenings don’t start until way past my bedtime.  The stress of keeping wrinkled prune off me and  2 star waiter off my daughter is more tiring than a 15 mile LONG RUN.

Last year we had a week in Majorca and I did manage a few hours by the pool on the first day.  ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ had just come out so I bought the trilogy at the airport for my Holiday Read.  I was a bit embarrassed to be seen reading this particular sex fest so I concealed it in a copy of ‘Homes and Gardens’ as I chilled out.  I soon realised that there were an awful lot of British ladies who were studying copies of ‘Hello!’ magazine without turning the pages.  They too would wiggle their legs and flush sporadically even though the sun had gone in.   A trip to the pool bar via the back of the sun loungers confirmed my suspicions.  They were ALL reading ‘Fifty Shades’.  I struck up a conversation with a ‘Fifty Shader’, then another, and we all giggled like naughty school girls.  ‘Come on girls let’s get’em out!’ I shouted the next morning by the pool. This comment generated much interest from accompanying bored Husbands. In unison we all dropped our magazine disguises and spent the rest of the week with our ‘Fifty Shades’ held high.

This year I sat by the hotel pool reading the ‘Time Out Guide to New York’ which was far more informative and the only time I turned red was when I got sunburnt…

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