The School Run


A-List School Run Mum

Hairy Male Teenager has gone back to school this week and I have remembered how traumatic the school run is.  Firstly I spend 15 minutes trying to get him out of bed,  I then cook him breakfast and spend a further 20 minutes standing over it to stop the dogs eating it, then I spend a further 25 minutes standing in the hall, car keys in hand shouting ‘Morgan, Hurry up! MORGAN HURRY UP! MORGAN SOD THE BLOODY HAIR GEL AND GET IN THE CAR!’  Son goes to Lingfield Notre Dame, however I do not qualify as an ‘A-List Notre Dame Mum.’  I wear sunglasses but they do not cover 3/4 of my face, I have blonde hair but it is not in an immaculate bob, I drive a 4 x 4, but it is not white.  The reason I wear sunglasses at 8.00am in winter is to hide the fact that I haven’t even washed yet.

The School has a ‘Kiss and Drop’ policy in the car park in the mornings.  This does not mean that you kiss your child then literally drop them out of the side window, although I have seen this being done a couple of times…  No, you are meant to park appropriately, kiss your offspring then move off slowly.  The problem with this practice is that you end up with a bottle neck of 4 x 4s at a particular point.  Here  ‘A-List Mums’ do not let any other vehicles into the queue, they hold the steering wheel with both hands, avoid any eye contact (the sunglasses help) and they nudge forward at any cost.  I cannot take part in this so I helpfully let everyone into the queue and spend 45 minutes getting out of the car park.  I am not being altruistic at all.  Usually at this time of the day I am still in my pyjamas and Daughter’s Ugg boots so I have to avoid any collisions which might involve me having to leap out of the car in this attire.  My longest school run this week  (it’s only one mile) was 1 hour 23 minutes.

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