The other evening a friend of mine suggested that I went for a sports massage after I complained about tender tendons and aching hamstrings. ‘What a wonderful idea’ I thought. ‘ I can class that as marathon training without doing any running’.  I booked an appointment at Lingfield Osteopathic Clinic with a nice sounding young man called Adam.  I had a massage once before on a Hen weekend.   A pretty lady in a pastel uniform had pummelled me gently in a room filled with scented candles and soft music as I drifted in and out of consciousness for an hour.

Adam was a nice, fit young man, just as I had imagined.  He ushered me into a treatment room and asked all the usual questions about exercise and injuries etc.  ‘Pop on the couch’ he said.  I did willingly, just getting ready for an hour’s relaxation in the middle of a busy day…  ‘You do know this is going to Hurt don’t you?’  He asked with a sadistic grin. ‘Hurt??’  I was about to have a quick snooze.  Then he started… I have never experienced such agony, well not since childbirth. He poked, pummelled and squeezed my legs as I literally howled in pain and let out more than a few swear words. ‘Is this room sound proofed?’ I screamed as he attacked my iliotibial bands with vigour.  Crikey, the pain was so intense I ended up with my fist in my mouth. ‘What on earth will that Old Dear in the waiting room think when she hears this?  I sure hope she picks up her stick and hobbles off before she is subjected to such torture.’ At one point I burst into hysterical laughter.  ‘That’s an unusual reaction’ grinned satanic Adam.  Well actually, considering I was about to punch him in the face and leap off the couch it seemed pretty tame to me.  Finally the hour was up…  I could hardly walk out of the treatment room, and when I did, my red and puffy face was stared at by at least 5 senior citizens in the corridor waiting for the chiropodist. ‘That’ll be £45’ said the efficient receptionist. As I wrote the cheque I was most relieved to learn that Adam’s last name was ‘Hooker’.  I had been muttering something that rhymed quite closely with that for the last hour.  ‘Do you want to book again?’… Well I did, for two week’s time, as I mumbled ‘no gain without pain.’

I am running the New York Marathon 2013 for Macmillan Cancer Support. If you are enjoying reading my blogs please donate at: http://www.justgiving.com/jayneandtrevorwebb